The day passed well. I started with the Step 11 studies and then went into town to the Meeting and Kate bought lunch from Urunga Bakery – good old fashioned food. The Girls visited and Lis brought me spag bol for dinner. Meals on wheels delivered another week’s food but I shall cancel them tomorrow because:
a) its really bad food
b) its transported from far away and cooked far away from god knows what food.
Kate did a shop for me and I have fruit and lots of food. I have pictures of Max – the new baby in our world. He is on oxygen and in a humidicrib.
JB rang tonight and we bought 2 new books using his debit card. I ordered them and within seconds they were on my Kindle. Amazing. One is by Stephen Hunt – the author who introduced me to Steampunk. I first read him when I borrowed a book from Josi when Susan was dying in Port Macquarie. He read my Facebook post the other day when I ran out of books to read and reminded me that he was there. Now I have his latest book as well as one by Maistro – a New Orleans writer who was recommended to me by another Facebook friend – one from the USA. How good is this world ? Contact with people all over the place and books delivered in seconds.
And – company at a time when loneliness could destroy me.
And – access to information from all lover the world about all manner of things.
We made playdough thingos and blew bubbles and played in “Izzy’s Room”. Its an honourable time in my life. I know now I am close to death most of the time and i have tasted its call and realise that each day could very well be my last without any warning at all. And so I sit. I come to the edge of being all steamed up – and then – a deep relax comes over me. And I taste the feel of being alive. And I like it. I eat the Spaghetti Bolognaise cooked by that beautiful young woman and I smile. I take a look at the fridge filled with foods my daughter has chosen and I smile. I speak with my son on the phone – and I am content.
One time – long ago – Roger told me that I would one day be a Matriarch. it seemed most unlikely at the time. I was in a drug detox, trashed and without friend or family. But he was right. And I am now NANA. Have been for a long time. I wish it were still Nana and Izzy – but its not. We have his legacy and it is a good one.
And I have ME – sitting here at night. Quiet and peaceful. I have a very swollen right side which I think is the liver and some pain – but for tonight it just don’t matter. This day is MINE.