I really am in trouble. Its no use pretending otherwise. The days are so difficult. I am so lonely and unable to handle my own affairs. I have NO idea of what to do next. Death is not unappealing.

I get up each morning. I try to do things and develop a positive attitude. Today I went to the NA meeting. I was oK while I was out there but then its home to the emptiness and fatigue. The Void. Once again, the promise of a new home hasn’t eventuated and the Superannuation remains unresolved.

I am struggling to remember what business I need to attend to. I am stuck here and lost. This is one of the very worst periods of my life.

My faith is bruised and dented into almost on existence and I feel like vomiting a lot of the time. O lord – I am beaten. I have no resources left that I can think of. Its just a miserable lonely slog with no promise of a bright future that I can see or feel.

The day is almost done and night is coming. That’s as good as it gets.

Izzy – I don’t know what to do. I don’t at all know what to do.

Its cold and bleak and wet. And here I am- sitting in the ruins of my life.  Maybe I am not a Phoenix this time. Maybe I am done.


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