Its quite a disappointment to discover than I am a most uninteresting writer and thinker but it doesn’t really matter. This time is purely about survival for me. Keeping enough interest in life to stay alive. Its cold tonight but once again they say a heatwave is coming. They said that last weekend as well. It didn’t come and its cold tonight.
I checked Hookers again today and she says the Shack is still on. Right ! says I. Right then.
She says they will arrange a viewing for me and then call. Right ! says I.
It will be $110 per week less than here. I am spooked inside of me. Wondering how to do it and I shall have to go one step at a time. I shall need to rein in my thoughts and actions and not PANIC. I am always on the edge of PANIC nowadays.
IT COULD BE GOOD as Harry once said to me. IT COULD BE GOOD.
There seem to be a lot of elements involved to me.
OK sort them, Lass. Sort them and arrange them.
1. Take a look and see whether you really want it. Do as Marian once said. Stand at the doorway and ask yourself ” Can I be happy here ? ” So far from the outside I think I can. Even with sandflies.
2. Get references ready. That can be done tonight
3. Speak to my lovely Landpeople here.
4. Speak to removalists. Maybe Coffs after all.
5. Find out how to move caravans.
6. Do some more packing and ask John to take a trailer load to the Tip.
7. Basically for now. Just get referee numbers and send a verification email to Hookers.
Then settle down.
Ha ! As if. Last night I slept poorly and then realised that the Energy Drink has caffeine in it and I had drunk a large bottle. So tonight its WATER.
I also clarified with the 2 young women that I don’t employ members of the fellowship, nor do I sell to or buy from them because it changes all the dynamics when we are there to help one another as Addicts not the material world.
And now – turn your attention to other matters. Matters of seeming frivolity.
Before that – No wonder I am tense. The Year has been an arsehole of a thing. Smashed dream after smashed dream and then thinking I would have to go into an Old People’s Hostel and then , the so called young ladies and then the Coma. Never, in all my recovery have I waked down so many dead ends. I have at this stage NO IDEA what lesson I am supposed to learn from this shite. I stay clean. Good enough.
And I begin to HOPE. Just a little. A little home that I can afford. Maybe some health and strength. Maybe some truly happy times.
Just Imagine that !
Imagine swimming and walking and files in order, Imagine security and variety and love. Imagine beauty and decency. Come on Girle. Stay for the long haul.