Today, the Girls came for a visit and a swim. It was high tide and the very stuff I like best. I think my girl scheduled it in for my sake. She knows how I love it. She caught fish in a scoop net. I couldn’t believe it. My legs are still way down on fluid and it makes life so much less painful and so much easier. I have had a wonderful Summertime. Despite everything. The days have had an edge to them that only precious ones can have and a poignancy has bitten through my skin at each kiss, each hug, each moment standing in saltwater and watching the trees.
I am still eating frozen meals and having simple desserts of fruit and ricecream or yoghurt. That ritual I am able to follow. Then an Isowhey shake before bed and magnesium and vitamins and liver detox tablets .
And I have a bowl of rises. A passion fruit vine to grow. Tomatoes en masse. Each day I feel a healing wave through me. Each day, i feel tension draining away. I sleep on our new mattress and the bed base we bought in Grafton. I am mixing old and new. And its working.
“Stone Lagoon and sky
– Michael P. Garofalo, Above the Fog
I am excited about the cramps being less.
One picture which excites me is of this home being mine.
What else now ? Saffy is at school.
I haven’t been to a meeting since last Monday and I am not going tomorrow either. I am worn out. I have visited with and dealt with plenty of fellowship people.
I am going to have a massage instead.
I have a clear intention to live a life of depth and beauty.
What do I do next ?
Go on in great gentleness.
I felt great inner peace when I came to this shack.
I like being amongst people.
Tears come easily to me these days but the panic seems to be easing a little.
I noticed it down at the Lagoon. The time that I panicked in the boat, everything seemed unreal and I couldn’t even get proportions or visual images right. Today it was simply a lilo on the lagoon and I knew what was real and what was not.
I wonder how many people have died on the Valery Road. My man did. I wonder how many.
“In a few moments all the stars came out above the intense blackness of the earth and the great lagoon gleaming suddenly with reflected lights resembled an oval patch of night sky flung down into the hopeless and abysmal night of the wilderness.”
― Joseph Conrad, The Secret Sharer and other stories