WORN OUT

I am worn out. Lots of people . Lots of things happening. 4 years since Susan died right there beside me. And now the damned cyclones look like they’re coming and it will all be shit again. Might have fried my big elements hard drive. Sux.

I don’t want to take care of myself through another flooding rain. I am right pissed off. We had plans. We had things we were going to do and tonight my head is so muddled that I don’t know what needs doing or what’s going on. I am shit angry now. Angry because I ain’t going to WOMAD. Angry at the body which is so damaged. Angry at the rains coming and my son living just too plain far away. Angry at P and E going to Central Queensland.

I AM ALSO ANGRY about being scared some nights here alone and having a muddle head when I have business that needs attending to. I am angry at whatever it is that bangs on my roof of a night. And I’m fecking angry about everything I have lost and every damned plan that can’t happen now and I am so angry at not having a hand to hold or a cheek to kiss . And I am majorly pissed off at pratts and ‘ nasty pieces of work”. And damn you, external hard drive.I reckon I must be ready for bed cause I am awful stroppy even with my lawns mown and everything looking lovely.

Glory be – the ext hard drive came back to life. Yes sirree. Did you know its being snowing in Boston for weeks and weeks which somehows- so they tell me proves the Global Warming theory. Great Farting Cows – getting old makes people look insane. And also – getting old means one too many cyclones in one’s life. Getting old means being right pissed off.

I like it round about this time of night when America gets up . I think I like Americans more than us just at the moment – especially ones in the Snow. Well sometimes I am sorrowful Some nights I am sick. Some nights I am scared nigh shitless and tonight I am right pissed off. And also I HATE PINK – a lot and charities and nuclear reactors in cities.

And I really hate cyclones and psuedo feminists in high heels and pearls with coiffed heads and nasty tongues and I also hate friggin lawnmowers . WE had a lawnmower from Grafton and it was a ripper because the cord was up high and took the merest light touch to start. Now I have one of those dumbarse, pull the cord, won’t start, you look an idiot in your own yard mowers.Its the 21st century for goodness’ sake. Make a mower I can start !

Maybe I am in a bad mood from drinking protein whey with raw egg in it.

I guess because  I was talking to the mother of Laf who died a year before Iz that all our sorrows and heart aches are at the forefront tonight . I feel better now and may well sleep.

bed

Shaggy’s painting is here now. It was in the backroom of the Post Office.

DSCF5086

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