BIT GRIM again tonight. No matter. The cyclone crossed at Rockhampton and Yepoon and now we catch the tail ends of it. Wet and bleak. I joined the Museum today and I did what I had promised myself I would do for my Lad and next My Lass. My meetings are down and I have been in major body pain. That wears me down combined with the wet weather but the day is almost done. I am clean and sober. The days pass and I survive another of them.
Eden is on FaceTime. I am OK It is just the pain gets to me and I become fractious and lonely.
And on occasion – that is it. Alive still tonight. Depressed perhaps – but only temporarily. One minute is enough, Lynne. Right no you are fine and dandy. Afraid to lie down and sleep because of the spasms that come and hurt so much. But that’s all. You will smile again. The pain will stop again. For now, write for a little . Read for a little. Then try bed.
I live with a corrosive thread of fear at the moment. Izzy’s death and my coma – well – fear is woven into all that is the network of me. I am BRUISED and corrupted now. INJURED spiritually, physically, emotionally and psychically.
And then, the rain falls some more. And then, I snuggle in and hope to dream and sleep. I think of the frangipani and the vegetables and the dark red plums this Summer. I think of the little girls and my own 2 kids.
And I sit late at night – knowing that I am once again afraid. And very sorry that I am.
And so – I prepare for bed. And leave my emotions at the door. I shall read some Pratchett. Put two doonahs on. And pray somewhat.