A lot of interesting things can happen at home. The heartbreak led to the illness which broke all bits of my body which were already shuddering and these times are a tough combo. Its the last day of summer and its been a mighty fine summer is some strange way. Heightened perceptions and appreciation perhaps. And enormous relief to be here in the Shack. The flashes of agony strike from time to time when a thought of all the changings comes. No more being treated as precious. No more adventuring. No more ease of worry about finances and lawns etc. The flashes of physical agony and great weakness dominate many of my days and restrain me in bonds of isolation and loneliness.
And when things go wrong , or Fears come whispering at me , there is no longer anyone to soothe or comfort. I discipline my thinking as I did 27 years ago in Rozelle when I stopped using. I keep it contained within the day and within tight parameters lest Madness take over completely.
I don’t get to as many meetings as I would like and I don’t get anywhere as much as I would like – but its OK. It is OK. There is nothing I can do about it tonight. Tonight I am in no pain. Tonight I am clean and sober. Tonight I can make some Blog entries for my OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY. Another day is done with some beautiful points. Boy, the wandering dog and the mists on the lagoon.
It doesn’t really matter that I can’t get out and about and don’t have dear ones here. I have INTERNET and what a wonderful difference that makes.
Now that some money has come in, I can begin to get treatment like the Acupuncture and a Handyman.
When Boy, the Bull Terrier came in, I was uneasy because he came straight over and blocked any way of moving from my chair here in the corner.I didn’t know whether he was amicable or not. Turned out he was and through Facebook was reunited with his family via my friend Jeff B. Then his Dad brought me a huge box of chocolates.
My Kids are watching Harry Potter with me with 1000kms between us. Facetime you little wonder.
There is a hole in me still and I don’t know what will happen but the day is near done and I have an idea about tomorrow.
As for Yesterday, I had acupuncture and very much liked the practitioner. And I saw my Little One get her first school award and took her shopping for a toy. She is so gentle with me when I am ill and lends me a hand . When I became ill at the Greengrocer’s yesterday, she took my hand to walk back to the car and tears come to my eyes now – for I am so lonely and so alone. I do not know at times how to go on. But I do.
I AM NOT GRABBING AT THE GOLDEN BALLS IN THE SKY NOR AM I TRAMPLING THE DAISIES AT MY FEET.