Today was not one of the good ones. Inasmuch as it didn’t feel good. I went to Bellingen and to the Commonwealth Bank. There was a good deal less money than I had hoped.
I went to the Courthouse and spoke with Mark H who is a good man. He gave me the autopsy report. Izzy was so very ill with heart disease and kidney trouble. it said he could have dropped dead at any time especially under physical exertion.
How could he have kept going at the pace that he did ?
How could he have run up that mountain road ?
This afternoon, Louise came and we talked longtime.
I am going to Meeting tonight even though I am weary to the bone and in pain. It is my 27th birthday today. 27 years clean and sober, Best I can do today.
2 phone calls today. The Death Certificates will come in a week or so and then the coroner’s report. He had heart disease. Bigtime. With all major arteries clogged and blocked. The heart muscle damaged.
And so he died in the Forest.
OK Grief, my well dressed Friend. I will not be using the generic, 80s-90s-00s pacifying placating woolworths techniques on you, despite the good intentions of some of my acquaintances and officialdom combined with .orgs online. You have encountered another of the old anarchist feminist radicals of the 60s and drug fiends of the 70s with a taste for the melodramatic. I am not afraid to wail and mourn and scream OCHA. And sob unreservedly in my bed at night. Nor am I afraid to look like a dickhead. I am bringing out the big guns on you today. Try to survive this treatment, why don’t you ?
PS I also will NOT be sitting in a bathtub with sweet candles burning in the dark. It always brings PSYCHO clips to mind and doesn’t comfort me at all. Aimless eating of Maccas helps. Now – take this, Grief.