I am doing it tough this year. 26 years doesn’t guarantee easy passage. Just for now I am in a desperate holding position. Struggling to just keep myself going and battling old daemons. I woke this morning with a mini breakthrough.
I am in a place I was often in during my using and one which caused me misery then as it is now. Today, I am to go up the mountain to lunch at a cafe where Izzy is booked to play music. I don’t want to go. I have asked not to go. I have asked to go away for a holiday and spend time in a town with meetings and maybe even a convention. That is not going to happen .
I shall do some step 3 reading and find someone who speaks the Recovery Language which keeps me going. I am ,again, kept in a certain manner but its not the manner of my choosing.